Rocco's Surgery

Rocco's surgery last week was successful. No complications.

This photo shows him clearly enjoying his "calming" drugs.

We had brought him in to our pediatrician a week and a half before Matteo died, because one of his man parts was quite enlarged. We were told he probably experienced some sort of trauma to the area... and it looked like it was just fluid build-up. Rocco didn't seem bothered by any pain. So, if it didn't go away in a week or two, or if he started acting like it was painful, we were to go back in.

Two days after Matteo died, we ended up bringing Rocco back in to our pediatrician because the swelling had gotten worse. And, he was also acting like it was bothering him. But, in hindsight... EVERYTHING bothered him that week. He was such an unhappy little boy after Matteo died.

We were referred to a fabulous surgeon, Dr. H (from the hospital I work for) on the same day. He knew exactly what the problem was and said we didn't have to schedule surgery right away... that it could wait. He knew about Matteo's death and was very sensitive to my emotional state at the time. He had made a special trip down from Palo Alto to see us, DURING the lunch hour and was very generous with his time. He also listened/talked for a while with us about Matteo's death. We were so thankful for his kindness and compassion towards us.

Without going into too much detail... Rocco was suffering from an issue that occured most likely due to him being premature. When a baby leaves the womb, some things do not continue to develop as they would in the womb. Some development just stops.

So, the problem was corrected. And, actually... they ended up fixing two hernias. Poor little guy! Our surgeon, Dr. H, rocked. He was wonderful. He spent time talking with me before the surgery and lots of time talking after the surgery. We also talked more about Matteo's death and he told me he ended up checking in on his 10 year old daughter twice during the night before, because she was sick. Then, he called the next morning to make sure all was ok.

Rocco was in a LOT of pain after the surgery. He stuck to me like glue and wouldn't let me put him down. So, we watched lots of Tom & Jerry... drank juice, milk, ate crackers, and napped together. The poor little guy seemed almost inconsolable at times that day... lots of hard crying and hearing him say "Owwwy! Owwwy!"

FINALLY... at 6:30pm, the little guy got perked up when Gabby and a little neighbor girl, Ayla, came over. He popped up, smiled, got off my lap for the first time that day and walked over to them. He helped them eat hot dogs and was suddenly a happy little dude again. It was so great to see, as I was starting to get really worried about him. We had even paged the surgeon around 5:30pm, because his pain seemed to be getting worse.

The most difficult parts of the day for me were:
1. One of the pre-op questions was: "Have you recently had any major life changes that we should know about (marriage, divorce, new baby, death, etc.)?"

When the nurse asked me this question... I sort of lost it. I broke down and told her that Rocco's twin brother died almost 7 weeks ago. And, she was stunned. She felt awful. She went to grab me a big box of tissues. I could tell that she was trying to digest what she just heard and also trying to be sympathetic at the same time. Odd position for someone to be in, I'm sure. And then, all I could think was "Please Matteo... protect your little brother today. Keep him safe for us. We miss you. You should be here... at home playing right now... wondering where Rocco is."

2. When the anesthesiologist came in, he said he was aware of Matteo's death and that they were twins. He continued to tell me that they may keep Rocco for observation into the day/evening, if necessary, so they could watch for any pulmonary issues. Ugh. That was not easy to hear.

3. I asked Dr. H how long the surgery would take. He said about 45 minutes. After I gave Rocco to the nurse, I waited... and waited. When it was close to 50 minutes from when they took Rocco... my mind started wandering. My thoughts? All insane and crazy. I couldn't help but fear the worst. "What if they come out and tell me... I'm sorry, Jodi, but something unexpected happended... and well Rocco...". I couldn't keep myself from crying while waiting. What would I do if they would tell me something happened to him. I would die. Right there. I would fall down and die. I couldn't go on. No. Way. Could I go on. In this life. It would have been impossible.

But everything was fine. Perfectly fine. The surgery took almost an hour... but that was because they spent time fixing some things that were unexpected. They were being thorough. Doing their jobs, perfectly.

I'm just one of those lucky parents who will now have to learn to manage this "fearing the worst", horrible, mind wandering that is all too easy to experience at any given moment.