Moving on...

Exactly three years ago (June 2007), we moved out of our home in California so it could be gutted and remodeled. We bought the home in 2002 as a fixer upper, and since we planned to live in that home for at least the next 20 years of our lives, we decided it was worth the investment. At the same time, we found out we were expecting triplets. While we had a lot of medical concerns related to the multiple pregnancy, we were so excited to be adding to our family. Our daughter Gabriella was 18 months old at the time, and our world revolved around the joy she brought to our lives.

It was a challenging 7 months for us, as I had complications with my multiple pregnancy and we were constantly battling with a few of our contractors to finish the remodel so we could move back into our home before the babies arrived. On January 1, 2008, we moved back into our newly remodeled home. And, just over a week later, we welcomed twin boys, Rocco and Matteo, into our lives. Gabby, was completely in love with her little brothers. And, Dan and I were beyond relieved, elated and proud. We had three healthy, beautiful children. We were back in our newly remodeled nest. And, well, life couldn’t have been sweeter.

In May 2009, we found out I was pregnant with a surprise baby. It was shocking – but exciting too. On July 2, 2009, we found out baby surprise would be a girl… and once again, we couldn't believe how incredibly blessed we were. We'd soon have 4 kiddos to love.

Then two and a half days later, everything about life as we know it changed. Death crept into our home that night and it has never been the same since.

It is impossible to escape the vivid memories of that awful morning while living in this house. Every moment of that morning continues to haunt me. When I walk by or look at specific areas in our house... my mind only wants to replay what happened in those spots the morning we found Matteo dead.

I remember people seeing our remodeled home for the first time when they came to see us for Matteo's funeral. I remember people commenting "oh I love this" or "I love how you did that"... and all I could think was how I now hated this house. It no longer felt like a warm, happy home... it was suddenly just a cold, stupid house. And, I hated it.

Matteo’s death has changed our lives in ways I could never begin to explain. It has impacted every priority, every goal, every conversation, every relationship, and every ounce of our being.

Matteo's death prompted a ripple of change in our lives. Dan searched for and found a job that would allow him to not be required to work around the clock. He now has more time for me and the kids and deals with less work-related stress. His new job has also allowed us the opportunity to move out of state which we were very excited about. And, I decided I'd much rather spend the majority of my time with my kids while they're little, and less time working outside the home or commuting to and from work. We decided we wanted to spend more time living life and less time working to live. We also decided we wanted more living space (inside and out), and more money to spend on fun stuff and good times. So, we decided to put our house up for sale and see what would happen.

Our house sold shockingly (is that a word?) fast. We put it on the market the last week of April... one week before I returned to work. It sold in four days. The sign was out front for a total of 2 days when we received the offer in hand.

Suddenly, we were about to be homeless with a 4yr old, 2yr old, an almost 4mnth old, and an au pair. I hadn't even returned to work yet from maternity leave... yikes! So, that Saturday we hopped on a plane to Denver where we thought we were going to move. After a quick visit, we decided it just wasn't for us.

So, we targeted a different city on the west coast. And, it was a very good fit! Dan's been going there almost every week to look at homes. Giuliana and I joined him on one trip and we fell in love with one house in particular.

Next, I had to "break up" with my work family at Lucile Packard Children's Hospital at Stanford. It was incredibly difficult to resign because I really enjoyed my job, but moreso, I loved the group of people I worked with. They had been there to support me through the birth of 4 children and the death of one. Not sure I would have received the same magnitude of love and support from any other group of people.

Fast forward two months... we're almost finished packing and we move out of this house on SUNDAY! Our "stuff" will all go to a storage unit until we have our final destination secured... which we're hoping to do ASAP!!

We're planning to spend the month of July in the Lake Tahoe area. Dan will be working remotely and traveling a bit for work. But, it will sort of be one very long vacation for the rest of us. A good friend rented her home to us and I'm very much looking forward to this get-away. As we cross the 1 year anniversary of Matteo's death I just want to be away from the noise of life, and be somewhere beautiful. I can't imagine being IN this house on the 4th and 5th of July... too many awful and sad memories.

So... we're moving on.

It's very bittersweet in many ways. We had so many dreams for our family in this house. It was the only home Matteo ever knew. It was the house he died in.

We're hoping this move will give us a bit of a fresh start. One can hope, right?

Giuliana's 5 Months Old

Wow... Giuliana is already 5 months old!

She has some new tricks and habits, including:
* Sucking her thumb
* Rolling from back to tummy and tummy to back
* Grabbing her feet and trying to eat them (all of my kids seem to have discovered their feet at 5 months)
* Grabbing toys and pulling them to her mouth to chew on them
* Back bends... she'll put her feet on the ground and push her back and butt up off the ground
* Laughing at her brother and sister (Rocco does a special dance to make Giuls laugh)
* Grunting and groaning when she's done eating, wants to be held, or wants to change positions
* High-pitched screams to talk and sing to us

Giuliana rarely cries and is seriously the best little baby! She's so good and easy to take care of. She also has big, beautiful eyes and soft, porcelain skin. Her face is framed by her cute baby hair.... long strands of hair that curls behind both ears and then a patch of hair on top of her head that is wild and free... but darling.

She's very busy teething right now... which means she chews on anything she can put in her mouth and she is constantly spitting. We go through lots of outfit changes every day to get her out of the wet tops. I know... I could put bibs around her neck. But honestly, I've never been a fan of any of my babes constantly having bibs around their necks. Not sure why... I just don't like it. Call me crazy, but I'd rather change their clothes.

Giuliana has always been a good little sleeper... until now! Lately, the teething has her waking up 2-3 times nightly. So, mommy is REALLY hoping the bottom teeth cut through soon!

She has developed a regular morning routine which is great and very normal for her age. She normally wakes for the day between 5:45 and 6:15am. She'll nurse and then play on her play mat, the bouncy seat or in her exersaucer. And, by 8:30am she's hungry, and then she naps immediately after she eats.

Her nap lengths are still pretty inconsistent (anywhere from 1 hour to 3 hours), but she's still young. Her wakeful times are getting longer... closer to 3 hours between naps now. And, bedtime usually falls between 8-9pm.

Giuliana now eats well from the bottle for our au pair, Sarah. But, she won't take a bottle from her mommy... she'll only nurse with me. And, these days she is very easily distracted when nursing. She still refuses to drink formula, which means mommy remains a milk factory. And, she has yet to take a liking to jarred baby food. She's only tried banana so far. And, while she now willingly opens her mouth for the spoon... two seconds after I take the spoon out of her mouth, she spits out all the baby food. It's like a game and Rocco thinks it's hilarious. While laughing, he'll say "Giuliana... you need to EAT your food! Don't spit it out!"

Mommy's Day

I am REALLY behind with blogging. Life has been crazy-busy for us since mid-April... but I'll save that news for another blog post.

We celebrated my birthday and Mother's Day a day early this year due to Dan's travel schedule. While he had planned a night out alone for the two of us, I decided that I'd rather do a big family date. For so many reasons... one being that I wanted to celebrate my kids. I wanted to have fun with my living children and enjoy them instead of focusing on the fact that sadness crept into our home last July 5th. And, it's easier to focus on that when I'm not engulfed in chaos. I didn't want to focus on how absolutely sick I feel every time I think about the fact that Matteo is no longer physically with us.

Because of our loss, Mother's Day will probably forever be very different for me. By different, I mean that it may forever be more of a day to celebrate my children and how lucky I am to be their mommy versus feeling that I deserve a day of pampering.

So, we went out to a fabulous burger joint where we could watch a little live concert while we ate. The kids ended up dancing on the stage with a bunch of other kids and it added a whole new level of fun to the night. After finally dragging the kids off the stage, we hit one a favorite cupcake bakery and called it a night.

Gabby was beyond excited about the cupcakes. She asked about them every 2 minutes on the car ride home. The cupcakes were my birthday cake... so I was SUPER excited too. I love specialty cupcakes. Love them. Red velvet's are the best. Coconut are second best. Anyway, we get home... I set the cupcakes on the counter, reminding Gabby that she couldn't open or touch the box until I was able to help her. I ran upstairs to change Giuliana's diaper. I come back downstairs, and Gabby is holding the cupcake box and proceeds to tell me they "fell on the floor".

Yeah. Right. I'm sure they just fell onto the floor all by themselves. Maybe they even jumped onto the floor. Uh huh... with no help from the 4 year old, of course.

So, I opened up the box... and well... they were smashed up against one side of the box and no longer looking fancy or fabulous. Just my luck. Oh well. They were just cupcakes, right?

So here I am sharing a photo of my pathetic and sad looking cupcakes, as well as 3 of my darling kiddos. BTW, the cupcakes still were very yummy.

A visit from Gammy & Papa

Gammy and Papa visited us recently so they could be a part of Giuliana's baptism. The kids were SO excited to see them again and kept asking when they would get here.

It's SO CUTE to see your kids start screaming and running full-speed to the door when they know their grandparents (your parents) are standing on the other side. Gabby & Rocco truly adore Gammy and Papa and it's really fun to see them all together.

My parents really did a lot with the kids this visit... they took them to the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Gabby still talks about the seahorse exhibit, the baby seahorses, the sharks and stingrays, and she made friends with a penguin too... and she'll tell everyone how the penguin would come up to the glass and try to snuggle her.

My mom also took Gabby to the Children's Discovery museum. Gabby made a cornhusk doll (with Gammy's help) and got to sit in an alien bus (aka, ambulance).

Papa was required to spend LOTS of time playing catch (football, baseball... you name it) with Rocco. Papa also spent a lot of time pitching to Rocco so Rox could show off his fabulous batting skills.

And of course there were numerous trips to the ice cream shop, wagon walks, books read, laughing sessions, grandparent jaw drops, screaming matches, etc. All in all... I'm 99% sure my parents left exhausted and wondering how we were blessed with such energetic and crazy kiddos.