I Found Her Sobbing...

Last night, I found Gabby crying in our master bathroom.

I had rounded her up for bedtime and sent her off to our room so we could brush teeth. I did my pre-bedtime check on Rocco and as I left his room I could hear Gabby crying. Sobbing actually.

I rushed in to find her looking in the mirror, crying her little eyes out.
Me: "Gabby, what's wrong?!"
Gabby: "I just REALLY miss Matteo a lot. I wish he was here. He is my little brother and I miss playing with him."
Me: Now also crying... "I know sweetheart. I miss him too. It's ok to miss him. And, it's ok to be sad and cry about it too. We loved him very much and he is probably hugging us right now trying to make us feel better."
Gabby: "Is he here with us right now?"
Me: "Yes, he is. He's always with us. Let's talk about him... do you remember what his favorite toys were?"

We went on to have a 20 minute conversation about Matteo and all of his favorite things, funny things he would do or say, and our memories of him.

Gabby said her favorite memory of him was how he would always do his little standing wiggle dance when he was happy or having fun. She also said she liked the little dance he would do when the "Go Diego, Go!" theme song was on TV.

It's amazing how moments like this can kick me right in the heart. They knock the wind right out of me. They require every ounce of my "being" as a parent to try and hold it together... a little bit anyway... for the sake of my other child(ren).

I am 99% sure that Gabby's crying episode was probably spurred by her having seen and heard me crying about missing Matteo when she got home last night.

I know it may be close to 5 months since Matt died. But, sometimes the pain and realization of what's happened seems like 5 minutes ago. The thought of him being dead still very much takes my breath away at least 50 times a day.