He came with us...

We officially moved out of our Los Gatos home on Sunday, June 27th.

We received a lot of last minute invites from friends and neighbors for final dinners/lunches/play dates, etc, but we ended up having to turn a lot of people down because we simply ran out of time.

Our moving week and weekend was beyond exhausting. It didn't help that I came down with a nasty cold or that we had a minor heat wave. It must have hit 95 or 100 on our actual moving out day. Dan and I were physically exhausted and tired in every possible way.

The day before we moved, Dan and I split shifts in attending an end-of-school year/moving party hosted by our good friends Christina & Marco (aka, the parents of Gabby's best friends, Sofia & Giovanni). We were entrenched in packing and all the last minute tasks that go along with a big move, but there was no way we could miss this party! Gabby had tons of fun and was able to say good bye to all her school best friends. She talks about her *besties* constantly, but we'll stay connected via snail mail (she's already sent a few pictures/letters!) and Skype. We've had two Skype calls to reconnect with her friends and it's hilarious... LOTS of giggling and very little chit-chat!

After an incredibly exhausting day of last-minute packing, taking care of kids, working with movers, loading a trailer with all of our temporary/necessary items to bring with us, and cleaning... we drove away from what was once our home at 10pm and walked in the door at our vacation home in the Lake Tahoe area at 4am. Yes - A.M.!

Dan and I both expected it to be emotional, but it wasn't really. Probably because we were both BEYOND exhausted and still had a long night of driving ahead of us. Tears fell as I looked into Rocco and Matteo's bedroom one last time, and as I walked past all the places in our home with the haunting memories. My eyes also stung a bit as we said goodbye to our favorite neighbors and family that lived nearby.

When we arrived at the vacation home at 4am, we brought the kids into the house so we could put them in bed. Rocco's first words were "That's not MY bed!" So, thank GOD I packed his Thomas the Train choo choo comforter because Dan had to go dig it out of the trailer so Rocco would sleep.

Monday and Tuesday were a fog because we were still recovering from the move, being up all night driving, and trying to get settled in the rental home. I was also battling a brutal headache for those two days. However... we DID manage to hit the beach and parks!

Wednesday, July 1st was our first day to really absorb all the decisions we made and the changes that had taken place in the past 3 months. Our huge TO DO (moving out of the house) was now checked off the list. Dan was back to work with the move stress off his back. And, I finally had time to breathe and just play with the kids.

So, I went on a long, hard run. I hadn't run in 2.5 weeks because every waking moment leading up to the move was spent packing, taking care of kids or doing move-related things. The run was just what I needed. Beautiful views of the lake, snow-capped mountains, miles and miles of tall trees, and ME time. I cried while I ran. I cried hard as I thought about Matteo and how much I miss him. I wondered if Matteo would have liked it here.I could almost see him standing in front of me just taking it all in (views, birds, trees, etc.), as he always did. I thought long and hard about if he might still be with us, as I often do. And, I couldn't help but reflect on how our lives have changed so much since this time last year.

July 1st ended up being a very difficult day for me.

After Matt died, we've had random occurrences of our fire alarms going off throughout the house while we were all sleeping. It started six weeks after Matteo died. And, oddly enough, it happened during daylight hours on the exact day we began to pack up our house for the move. No fires. No smoke. Nobody was even cooking. Just random, crazy and strange. The fire alarms had never gone off randomly before he died. Not once.

Anyway, I think Matteo came with us...

At 3:30am on July 2nd, the fire alarms throughout our rental home started screaming at us. Call me crazy, but I instantly thought it was Matteo. It was as if he knew I had a really bad day and needed a sign from him.

In the past, whenever I've said to Dan that I thought it was Matteo trying to somehow communicate with us, Dan's always been skeptical in believing that the fire alarms were a possible connection to Matt. But, after we settled the kids back down and got back into bed... Dan and I couldn't help but talk about how crazy this was. I think his actual comment was "It's crazy how this only happens in the middle of the night. Call your friend in the morning and ask her if this has happened to her before when she's stayed here."

So, I called my friend who we're renting the house from and asked her if she's had incidents of the fire alarms going off throughout the house in the middle of the night in this house. She said no... it's never happened.

I honestly believe Matteo has come with us and that this was his way of telling us.