Marco is walking!

Wow! Stop the clock!!

Marco officially started walking today, February 17th, at 9.5 months of age. I can't decide if I'm excited or if I should cry! Maybe a little of both.

He walked twice today... taking five or more steps at a time. The first time, our entire family was up in the play room... and Marco stood up and took five steps walking right into my arms. He had a huge smile on his face and we were all so excited, I'm certain he knew he did something special. Then, just before I was about to put him to bed... he took another 6 steps right into my arms. Again, big smiles all over that little man's face.

Marco now holds the record in the house for being the youngest walker. Rocco previously held the record, as he started walking at 10 months. Giuliana walked at 11 months, Matteo at 13 months and Gabriella at 14 months.

When a baby starts walking, it definitely opens new doors of fun and independence and funny moments. But, you're also faced with the reality that they are growing up.

My baby is growing up. My last little baby is walking! Wow.

Time sure does fly by...

Marco's 9 Month Update

Marco's 9 Month Growth Stats:

Height: 29.3 inches (84%ile)

Weight: 18lbs 3oz (18%ile)

Head: 18.5 (83%ile)

Night Sleep: I will usually nurse him around 8:15pm and then he falls asleep while nursing. I am usually able to transfer him to the crib without waking, but sometimes he does require a little *shush'ing* and rhythmic bouncing to fall asleep again. And, he's been teething so much, that sometimes he throws us for a loop and will require us to sit with him in the rocking chair for almost a half hour before he lets us put him in his crib sound asleep. He will wake up crying between 11:30pm-1am, when he realizes he's sleeping in his crib and not nursing. So, I'll go get him and lay him down in bed next to me and let him nurse until his heart is content. We both fall asleep and he will nurse off and on throughout the night (probably 3-4 times at least, for however long each time!). This results in me never really getting a good night sleep. But, it makes the little guy happy... and that makes me happy. It's a vicious cycle of love!! He will usually wake for the day around 7 or 7:15am. 

Naps: Marco’s awake time is now stretching from 2-3 hours in any wakeful time period. His morning nap is his longest nap and still takes place 2 hours after he wakes for the day (so around 9/9:15am). He'll nap for about an hour in the morning.  He is usually ready for his 2nd nap almost 3 hours after he wakes up from his morning nap (around 1:15pm). The 2nd nap is a wildcard in length... sometimes lasting a half hour, and sometimes lasting a little over an hour, but he will most often wake up around that 45 min mark. And, his 3rd nap seems to take place 3 hours after he wakes from his 2nd nap, and it's getting shorter and shorter. He'll probably soon ready to give it up. The 3rd nap is now never longer than a half hour and he always wakes up crying. So, I will nurse him immediately when he wakes up from this nap and this is pretty much the only way to make him happy after his 3rd nap. I envision him moving to two naps very soon if he is able to continue lengthening that first morning nap.

 

Eating: He is in no rush to jump into the world of table foods. He seems to be following in Giuliana's footsteps in this regard. I am now able to feed him either pear or applesauce baby food, mixed with a bit of baby oatmeal cereal, 3-4 times a day. He will eat approximately 1-2oz each feeding. I consider this a success, as I try to nurse him less and introduce more foods to his diet. He is still nursing on demand... lucky guy! I probably still nurse him 10-12 times throughout any 24 hours. And, he does still nurse throughout the night. He's like a little barnacle at night... sucking away. If he wakes up realizing he's not sucking, he'll cry until he's latched on again. Such a funny little guy! He also still nurses if he is upset, and before naps and bedtime.

      Marco Updates:  

• Crawling forward on all 4’s on December 18^th. Prior to that he was getting up on all 4’s and moving backwards. And, he was moving forward by doing the army crawl.
• Waves “hi!” and “bye!”
• Says “Mamamamama” when he sees me and/or wants me to pick him up and hold him.
• Pulling up to a stand, using furniture and walls.
• Climbing. Loves to climb up on children’s chairs, and try to pull himself up on tables, the sofa, etc.
•  Stairs are SUPER fun! He loves climbing all the stairs to the top and screams with excitement the entire journey up.
• Copycat: He loves to play copycat with his siblings. For example, he will shake his head and then look to one of them to shake their head. If they do it, then he will do it again and look at them to repeat what he did. It’s hilarious – he loves to play this game!
• Screaming/shrieking: He loves to scream or screech really loud when he is playing happily. When he gets everyone’s attention… he’ll smile really big and scream/screech again. He gets even more excited if his siblings scream/screech back and forth with him.
• He has 3 teeth!
• Wrestling: He had already started to enjoy the thrill of baby wrestles with his daddy. He gets SO excited if Dan lays him on the floor and pretends to wrestle him, like he does Rocco. And, if Marco sees Dan wrestling Rocco, he quickly crawls over to them to try and participate in the action. Super cute!
• Feeds mommy. He likes to grab his spoon when I’m feeding him, and he will try to put the spoon in my mouth to feed me.
• Pulls hair! He LOVES to pull hair. He will pull on my hair, Giuliana’s hair and Gabby’s hair. It actually really hurts when he does it and he uses all his strength to give it a good tug! He’s made Gabby cry a few times… Giuliana seems to be a bit more tough and will just yell “OUCH!” This reminds me of Matteo… he used to pull on single strands of my hair, piece by piece and he would laugh when I would say “Ouch!”
• He has grown a little mole on the inside of his right leg. Oddly enough, Matteo had a mold in this same exact spot. Matteo’s was larger. But, I love that Marco has this new mole in the same spot. Maybe another sign from above.

3.5 years without Matteo

It has been 43+ months, or a little over 3.5 years, since I last saw and held Matteo.

Sometimes, it hurts so deeply to say those words out loud. My heart jumps into my throat the instant I acknowledge and type that nightmarish fact.

Other times, I am able to control myself and keep the sadness stored neatly inside of me, so nobody has to clean up the mess.  

I think about Matteo constantly throughout the day, every day, just as a mother thinks constantly about any of her children that are not within arm’s reach. It would be impossible to train a mother’s mind to not obsessively wonder, care, or think about one of her children. It would simply go against human nature.

Matteo was 18 months old when he died. And here we are 3.5 years later, and our new baby boy, Marco, has now lived half of Matteo’s life.

I haven’t written a blog post focused solely on Matteo in a very long time. Not because I don't have *content*. There are plenty of blog posts that could be written, almost on a daily basis, solely devoted to Matteo, and life after one of your children dies. Things happen throughout the day; you have conversations with family, old friends and new friends; encounters with strangers… and some of those moments will instantly start a thought process, and an entire article unfolds in my head before I know it.

The fact of the matter is that it’s easier to just keep that tornado of emotion inside my head. The process of writing my feelings about grief in an organized, concentrated way can bring me down into a tunnel of gloom that often times can be very hard to climb out of. And, I don’t want this blog to become a sad/dark place. I want my children to be able to read through this blog someday and know that we are (were) a happy family, despite having lost Matteo. I want them to know how hard Matteo’s death was on all of us and how it changed us, but that it didn’t destroy us.

One might think it gets easier to write about grief as time passes, or that life gets easier to live again. I’m not sure it is possible to find peace, or that time heals you after the loss of a child.

I haven’t found peace with Matteo’s death. Not yet. But, I have learned to keep living every day with the pain of his loss.

Matteo’s death still cuts like a knife and knocks the wind out of me. It brings tears to my eyes, makes my head ache, my heart sink, and my throat swells with what could be an eruption of sobbing at any given moment, depending on the day and the triggers. A song, looking through  photos, reading or hearing about another parent’s loss, letting my mind wander, a question Gabby might ask… any of those things can trigger my mind to begin replaying memories that will instantly torment and rip me apart.

Sometimes, I feel like I held him just yesterday. I can still feel his little foot in my hand. I spent most of July 4^th massaging that foot as I sat with him nestled up against me. I had my left arm wrapped around him and my hand holding his foot. It’s as if my hand knew it wouldn’t be able to squish and love those feet for hours on end after that day. Matteo wasn’t feeling good, and I was happy to spend the day snuggled up to him while Dan kept Gabby and Rocco busy with errands and outside play.  

I trimmed his nails, we read stories, we watched D.ora and D.iego. And, I played with his hair a lot that afternoon. I would grab a few fingers full of his hair and pull on the curls until I had them fully extended and straight. Over, and over again. All the while, I had my head snuggled up against his so I could feel his skin on my lips.

I love resting my lips on my babies’ foreheads when I snuggle them. There is a magical, tender, connection this gives me. I love it.

I can honestly still feel Matteo’s chunky little foot in my hand. I can separate my fingers and thumb to the exact size of that chunky foot.

I remember his favorite foods and the tricks we had to pull to get him to eat. I remember his silly wiggle dance, and playing catch with him. I remember so many scenarios of him and Rocco climbing in and out of boxes and bins, and playing so well together. And ten minutes later, they would be making each other crazy.

I remember his raspy voice and it gives me chills. I can hear it in the quiet of the night. I can hear him singing the Dora song, and saying “Gobby”, “Cocco”, and “Momma”, “Dadda”.

The past 3.5 years have been a flurry of ups, downs, and in-betweens. Emotional highs and lows. Priorities have changed, as have many relationships. Our family has grown with the addition of two beautiful, happy children to our family. Yet, they could never come close to replacing the loss of Matteo. He is an unfathomable loss.

Life has changed in so many ways for me, and for us.

The awkwardness of simple questions from a stranger, like “how many children do you have?” will still stop me in my tracks. If you are a parent, you know how often this question comes up. I always want to say “five”. But, in some situations, I anticipate the risk of follow-up questions and will say “four”. Always hating myself if I do—as if I am not acknowledging that Matteo lived, and will forever be one of my children. I’ve learned the hard way that answering “five” can be a slippery slope. For example, my dental hygienist thinks I have five living children. I never expected her to remember how many kids I had. But, I just don’t want to delve into the discussion that follows breaking the news that one of those children died at 18 months of age, while sleeping.   

Pregnancy came with another set of problems. You become a magnet for strangers to ask you very personal questions. I loved the attention when I was pregnant with Gabby, and even the twins. “When are you due? Is this your first? Boy or girl?” Those questions were FUN to answer back then. But, after you have a child die, those questions from a stranger open a whole new can of worms. I was 13 weeks pregnant with Giuliana when Matteo died. And, I hated and wanted to sob every time a stranger asked me those questions. I felt like everyone was being so invasive and insensitive. I wanted to shout “One of my baby boys just died! Leave me alone!”

When I was pregnant with Marco, I was more annoyed than anything. I felt like I couldn’t go out in public without getting questioned by at least 2 strangers “Is this your first?”, “How many do you have?” When I would answer “five”, I’d get the shocked face response, and most often a “Wow, you must be BUSY!” Sometimes, I just wanted to say out loud “well one of them died… so I’m not as busy as I should be.” I’m sure that would have ended the conversation.

I also had days during my pregnancy with Marco when I felt like I could never really be happy anymore. My guess is that sadness was the result of a mix of pregnancy hormones, grief, not getting my regular dose of endorphins from running and the Pacific Northwest weather. For instance, I recall being on a trip with my girlfriends in January, and several times I literally laughed until I cried. I was trying so hard to be happy. They thought I was laughing so hard I cried. I think the truth was that I was crying more than laughing. I was trying so hard to be happy and laugh, but I couldn’t bottle the sadness. It came out with any emotion.

Three and a half years. Almost as old as Giuliana. Giuliana will forever be 6 months younger than the time associated with the anniversary of Matteo’s death.

Rocco is now five. Gabby is now seven. Matteo should be five too.  

Your child dies. You gain a new respect for life. A new appreciation for life, and a sense of wonder about it. When you look up at the moon and stars at night… you wonder if your child is out there. You contemplate how really tiny and small we (humans) really, truly are. You start to not care so much about a lot of things. And other things, the important things, are what you focus on.

When your child dies, and the coroner can’t tell you how/why your child died, but you know your child had a virus, you become a bit more obsessive about germs. I get great anxiety when my little people are sick. PTSD. I don’t sleep. I’m short with Dan. I’m stressed. And, I’ll check the sick child throughout the night to the point of it being a crazy obsession because I fear another child dying in their sleep. Though, I would never tell my children that.

My PTSD has gotten a little better. Granted, Marco has not yet had a fever. Hopefully, I can remain calm and not get too stressed when he has his first unexplained high fever. And, I pray that doesn’t happen until he’s 18. Eighteen YEARS OLD, that is. :)

My children wash their hands every time they enter the house. It is habit to them now—I don’t even have to ask them to do it. I get frustrated when strangers touch my infant or itty bitty child’s hand. I want to say “Hello, do I know you?! And, when is the last time you washed your hands? Are you sick? Have you been around someone sick? Then please DO NOT TOUCH my baby’s hand or give them food that you have just touched. Don’t you realize this child is not fully vaccinated yet?!”

Since Matteo’s death, I imagine my parenting has changed. I imagine I hug my kids a little longer, snuggle a little more, and feel a little worse when they are upset or hurt (whether their pain is physical or emotional). I am probably a little more protective than the average parent. And, I imagine I probably want them to get every ounce of joy they possibly can out of life, and that includes making the best of awful situations… because Matteo doesn’t have that. He was cheated out of life. And, I feel like we all owe it to Matteo to try and make every day a good day.

Life has me so busy these days—it’s probably a good thing. My mind doesn’t have time to hang out in the dark tunnel of grief. Days/weeks pass by at warp speed. Keeping up with four children, school, their activities, and taking care of them and a home… jeesh… there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get everything done.

Running remains my happy place. I literally NEED that runners high at least 4x week or I get grumpy. It’s my time. I can let my mind wander, talk to Matteo, think without interruptions. It’s like my own personal therapy session because I ALWAYS feel great when I’m done. (Or maybe it’s just the joy of being by myself for an hour! Ha!)  

Gabby misses Matteo. She still has moments where she will get very sad and cry because she misses him and wishes he didn’t die. She gets sad when she looks through MAtteo photo albums, or hears certain songs that have been associated with Matteo’s life/death. Having seen and witnessed more than any child ever should, his death is still very impactful on Gabby’s life. She freaks out if one of her siblings gets hurt or is bleeding. She worries when they are sick. If we have to bring someone to the ER, she is asking if they will come home again. Her fears have faded a bit with time, but they are still there and we still have to parent/counsel those situations carefully. We find ourselves having to reassure her less with time, that what happened to Matteo is not going to happen again to any of her siblings. Gabby loves watching videos with Matteo in them. It can be a slippery slope though… sometimes, she’ll be laughing at him and the video, and sometimes watching the videos can make her sad. Same goes for me.

Rocco often talks about Matteo. He asks a lot of questions about Matteo, and about how him and Matteo were as twins. He’ll ask questions about how they played together, who was born first, and how I gave them baths or fed them in high chairs next to each other. He likes to look at photos of him and Matteo. He enjoys seeing videos. I am not yet sure if he has or will carry memories of him and Matteo with him through life. He’s not quite at an age yet where we can sit down and question his memories of Matteo. Or, if we look through photos with him, I’m not sure he would be able to honestly tell me yet if a photo sparks a memory of Matteo. He knows Matteo is his twin. He talks about him often, and how they were best buddies. He will talk about Matteo when he sees the moon. And, he says goodnight to Matteo every night when he goes to bed.    

Giuliana associates Matteo with the moon and the stars. And, if you ask her about the little red birthmark on her hand, she’ll tell you that’s where Matteo kissed her before she came out of mommy’s womb. The birthmark looks like a little kiss. It has faded a bit with time, but it’s still there. She thinks of Matteo as an angel. She never knew him otherwise. She is also smart/old enough to know that Matteo can often be a sad topic, as she has been known to say “I’m sad because I miss Matteo.” (Clearly picks up on big sister’s emotions/actions/words.) So, then we’ll talk about how wonderful, sweet and special Matteo was until we’re happy again.

The moon has special meaning to Gabby, Rocco and Giuliana. It always sparks a thought, comment or question about Matteo. Balloons are also significant. Whenever the kids have balloons in-hand, they will ask to let them go to Matteo in Heaven. They are convinced Matteo pulls the balloons into Heaven with him the second the balloon disappears.

The moon, a balloon, and Matteo’s profile all make up Matteo’s Dream Fund logo. If anything good can come out of the tragedy of Matteo’s death and the grief we will always carry in our hearts, it has been this non-profit organization. Matteo’s Dream Fund has allowed us to keep Matteo’s memory alive. It has allowed us to raise money for sick and terminally ill children, and their families and provide support to in-hospital schools, recreation therapy, and grief support and counseling services at a few children’s hospitals.

Matteo’s Dream Fund has also been a positive experience for the kids. They have felt the joy of delivering gifts to a children’s hospital around the holidays. And, what better way to teach them “when life give you lemons, you make lemonade.”

I talk to Matteo every day. I think about him every minute of the day and he is the last person I talk to every night. I ask him to watch over our family, and keep our children safe and healthy. He is an angel. He is our little angel.  

I hate that we have an angel. He should be here with us.

I miss you so much, Matteo. I love you to the moon and back.

Can horses blowup?

Rocco: Mom, can horses blowup?
Gabby: Rocco, horses CAN'T blowup.
Me: What do you mean... can horses blow air up into the sky? OR, do you mean blowup... like explode?
Gabby: Mom, he thinks horses can explode! Horses can't explode!
Me: Gabby stop.
Rocco: I MEAN CAN HORSES BLOWUP! EXPLODE?
Me: No! No... horses don't just blow up! You crazy little man...
Rocco: No! I mean... if they have a missle in them?
Me: Rocco?! No. Completely impossible.

And people say girls are complicated!? Little boys sure can be strange and curious (but funny!) little creatures!

Mommy, can I have that?

My children, like most children these days, are not used to watching TV commercials. Most of the TV shows they watch are shows that have been prerecorded. Or, they are shows that they can watch via a tablet device of some sort. My kids, like most kids know full well how to operate all such devices... from turning it on, to finding and choosing a show, to starting it.

Over the past 3-4 months, Giuliana has become familiar with TV commercials. By mistake, of course. If a toy commercial comes on, she seems to be fascinated by it. She will drop whatever, and yell "Mommy, can I have that?!" She'll give me those big puppy dog eyes and a very excited look... leaving me no choice but to say "Sure!", or "Of course you can!" Giuliana will smile and get all excited and then yell "Thank you, Momma!!"

It is so awful... but I love this! It's so funny how she truly does ask for any toy that she sees on a TV ad. And, then, she feels completely satisfied if I reply yes. She never, ever brings up the toys she's asked for again. It's like I'm giving her the satisfaction she needs right there - just by saying yes.

Sometimes, if she sees the commercial again... she'll yell to Gabby or Rocco "OH, I HAVE THAT!" And, Gabby and Rocco, depending on their mood, will either try to tell her she doesn't have it, or they'll look at me and giggle, asking if Giuilana really does have it.

My little Giuliana... gosh I love that girl! I wish all kids were this simple and easy to please!!

Darn Tooth Fairy!

That darn tooth fairy!

Gabby pulled her tooth out while we I was driving the kids home from Rocco's gymnastics class last Thursday. She's been wiggling that tooth for weeks now, and I had a feeling it was going to be coming out any minute. And actually, I told her just that! 

Well, wouldn't you know it... after a little wiggling in the car, she pulled it right out! She was SO EXCITED about it. Then, of course, the next 3 hours she talked about how she couldn't wait to see what the tooth fairy was going to bring her, etc. 

Well, and with my luck... I was fresh off of two nights with VERY LITTLE SLEEP. Dan was getting home that night - so I was feeling a wave of relief! 

Gabby wrote the tooth fairy a sweet note... asking if she could "please not take her tooth....she would like to keep it just like last time". She tucked her tooth, and the note under her pillow. 

Only, that darn tooth fairy didn't show up! 

So, we had one very sad little girl come Friday morning. Yowzers! She could not understand why the tooth fairy didn't come, and was pretty bummed. Dan suggested that maybe she didn't come because mommy was up so much with the baby throughout the night. I suggested that it might have been because Gabby wasn't a good helper on Thursday (didn't help clean up her room, the play room, etc.).

As it turns out - Dan and I were both wrong. She was stuck in a snow storm out East! 

Crazy tooth fairy! She's really gotta pull it together!! ;)

I learn something new every day...

Rocco: "I wish I could spit out my stomach and grow a new one."
Me: "Wait...what?" 
Rocco: "Mom...you need to know these things. Starfish do this all the time."
 
I swear... I don't know where these kids learn these things sometimes. But, I learn something new every day.

Rocco's Bad Dream

I can count on two hands the number of times Rocco has come into our room in the middle of the night because of a bad dream, or whatever.

Last week, Rocco came into my room around 3am. He said he had a bad nightmare, so I told him to jump into my bed and I'd snuggle him. Dan was traveling and I never get to snuggle Rocco, so I jumped at the chance to sleep next to my little guy and have my arm around him, snuggling.

In the morning, I asked him what his nightmare was about. He said "Mom... I had a nightmare that I woke up and went into the playroom... and there were two Nana's!"

I couldn't help but laugh, granted I tried to hold in my laughter, because I wanted him to know I was listening and could understand why he was scared.

But the fact that his nightmare was due to him seeing two Nana's?! TOO FUNNY!! Nana is our most commonly used nickname for Giuliana. And well... I guess it could be a nightmare for poor Rocco if there were in fact two of her!

I couldn't wait to share this nightmare with Dan... he busted out laughing the moment I told him.

Oh Rocco... you're one funny kid!!

Giuliana is THREE!

Giuliana is THREE!! Here's her 3 year update...

Giuliana’s 3 Year Growth Stats:

Height:  35.8inches (10-25^th %ile)

Weight: 25.6 pounds (5^th %ile)

BMI: 14.06 (5^th %ile)

Giuliana is a tiny little thing, with BIG personality. She looks so sweet and innocent, and most of the time truly is. But, watch out if you cross her, she’ll turn on you fast and let you know. I don’t see “pushover” ever being a part of this girl’s vocabulary. She has shocked us two or three times in the past year by being overheard saying “godddamit!” (thanks, Dan!) when dropping something. Thankfully, more often than not, when she is frustrated, she’ll say “You’ve GOT to be KIDDING ME!”

Dan likes to say that Giuliana is all legs and hair, and she really is! She has long skinny legs and a full head of hair with curls that stretch down to her butt when her hair is straightened or wet. She still fits in some 12 month clothes if that gives you any idea as to how tiny she really is.

Dan is so smitten with Giuliana. And, with Giuliana’s love of cats, I think it led Dan to recently come up with the analogy that Giuliana is sort of like a “cat”. His rationale was “She doesn’t come when you call her name. She is perfectly content doing her own thing, and being by herself. She comes to you when she needs love, cuddles, snuggles and food. Sometimes she likes to sleep with you, and sometimes she doesn’t. Her food patterns are predictable. If you make her mad, she’ll scratch. Etcetera.” Pretty funny analogy, actually.

FAVORITE TV SHOWS: Dora The Explorer, Batman, Go Diego, Go!", "My Little Pony"

FAVORITE COLOR: Purple

COMFORT ITEMS: Purple blankey & purple monkey. Like Rocco, Giuliana is VERY attached to her blanket. When she was a baby, every time I would nurse her, I would wrap her in her purple blanket and she would hold it and rub the soft blanket against her cheeks and face while nursing. I’d swaddle her in the purple blanket too at naps and bedtime. So, it is just a part of Giuliana! She has 4 different purple blankets, one being “THE purple blankey”. Purple blankey goes to bed with her, wakes up with her, gets dragged throughout the house all day long wherever she goes. It goes to the potty chair with her, it goes on car rides, it eats breakfast and lunch and dinner with her. You get it… her “puwple blankey” is her everything! Purple monkey is her new obsession. She asked Santa for ONE thing, and one thing only – “a puwple monkey”. Santa delivered and Giuliana was SO HAPPY when she opened that present. Purple monkey now sleeps with Giuliana every night and also is becoming an important part of her daily activities.

FAVORITE FOODS: Peanut Butter (lately, she requests 1-2 PB&J sandwiches daily), eggs, berries, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, breakfast sausage, waffles, pancakes, corn dogs, french fries, salmon, peas, mashed potatoes, cheddar cheese, pasta and avocados. Giuliana will not eat if she’s not hungry. And, if she’s hungry, watch out – she will surprise everyone by eating everything on her plate. I call her my buffet girl… because she likes to eat whatever she sees. She will have a plate of food sitting in front of her, and then if Gabby, Rocco and I are all eating something different for lunch, she will ask to have some of what all of us are eating. Also, she’ll often times end up on my lap during dinner, eating off of my plate. She likes a buffet of food – not just 1-3 items on her plate.

ACTIVITIES:  Gymnastics! Giuliana LOVES “nastics” and looks forward to every class. Since she just turned three, she was able to begin a new class without parent participation. She jumped right into the new class with the bigger kids with NO hesitation. She loves gymnastics so much, and just really wants to do it all and be a big kid just like her big brother and sister.  

FAVORITE SAYINGS: “You’re my bestest friend in the WHOOOOOOLE WORLD!”, “Mommy, I love you ALL DAY LONG!”, “You’ve GOT to be KIDDING me!” (picked this up from her dad when he gets frustrated, so she uses it when she’s frustrated! Ha!), “Tooty Fruity”, “Tooty Booty” (while shaking her booty at you)

FAVORITE BOOKS: “Wolf’s Coming”, “I Love You All Day Long”, “But I WAAAAANT It”, and so many others. I’ve never known a child to love books as much as Giuliana. If you don’t know where Giuliana is, you will most often find her sitting on her bed, the sofa, or by the bookshelf, wrapped in her purple blankey with her nose buried in a book. She LOVES to look at books and can do it for hours all by herself. Sometimes, I have to convince her to actually let me read her a story. She’ll often say “No, I reading it!” Lately though, she is trending towards more often than not allowing me to read to her.

FAVORITE TOYS and INDOOR PLAY: Lately, she is really into playing with miniature LaLaL.oopsy figurines, miniature My Little P.ony figurines, miniature L.ittlest Pet Shop figurines, and also some little dinosaur figurines. She lines them up, and carries them everywhere with her…the car, to bed, to the dinner table, to the potty chair, you name it. (And, I absolutely LOVE it when we’re in a hurry to go somewhere and Giuliana is refusing to get out the door because she can’t carry out her 15 figures.) She also loves anything Batman and her pink & silver Batman cape still being a staple in her make-believe super-hero play with Rocco. Other consistent favorites are puzzles, Play D.oh, coloring with markers, sticker activities, making food in her play kitchen, B.arbies with Gabby and sometimes even taking care of baby dolls. But, one of her most favorite indoor activities is to read books.

FRIENDS: Her best friends are truly Gabby, and Rocco. She also loves playing with and is completely entertained by her little brother, Marco. For the past year, if you’d ask her who her best friend was, she would have told you “Misia” (our au pair from Poland who was with us from Sep 2011-Sep 2012). She still sometimes names Misia as her best friend, but with time, that is beginning to pass (as would be expected for a 2-3 yr old). If you ask Giuliana who her friends are lately, she’ll say “LexiCallie”. Lexi and Callie are her two cousins from Texas who visited us this past summer, and clearly left an impression on her memory. She also has neighborhood friends, by default of being Gabby and Rocco’s younger sibling. And I guess she basically thinks that any friend of Gabby’s is a friend of hers as well!

SLEEP: Giuliana is a great little sleeper! She goes to bed between 8-8:30pm and usually wakes up anywhere between 7:30-9am. She sleeps in her own big girl bed, in her own bedroom. And, she is loving that Gabby is sleeping with her in the queen bed in that room. She has fully transitioned from doing one nap a day to no naps. Most of the time, this works out fine and she can handle it. But, every other week, there will be a day where the no-nap catches up with her and we’ll find her to fall asleep in the car or with a book in her lap on the sofa.

FAVORITE MOVIES: Little M.ermaid, T.angled (Rapunzel), Batman

FAVORITE VACATION SPOT:  Disneyland

MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENTS THIS PAST YEAR:

1.      Transitioning from diapers to pull-ups.

2.      Potty in the potty chair.

3.      Pooping in the potty chair.

4.      Dressing herself.

5.      Counting to 20.

6.      Sitting on the big kid swing, and swinging without falling off (we still push her)

7.      Pedal a tricycle.

8.      Climbing up onto the bar stools, and getting down by herself.

9.      Vocabulary has increased extensively. Her diction is getting better too.

10.  Transitioned from sleeping in a crib, to a toddler bed, to a big girl bed (ALL in the SAME YEAR!)

11.  Became a big sister!

BIRTHDAY PARTY: Giuliana surprised me and asked for a D.ora birthday cake. So – that is what she got! I had no idea where to start, so Dan helped me out and picked up this “Dora & horse” toy, and I ended up making Dora walking a path with her horse standing in the lake. Giuliana shares her birthday with Rocco and Matteo. So, we went out for dinner on the evening of her birthday. After dinner, we came home, sang “Happy B.irthday”, ate cake and ice cream and opened presents. The most memorable moment was probably Giuliana trying to blow out her 3 candles... she huffed and she puffed... but she could not blow out those candles! It took her at least 7 minutes to get them blown out. So cute!

MATTEO: Giuliana is very aware that she has another older brother who died. Whenever she sees the moon, she says “I see Matteo!” She also knows/understands that Matteo’s death and not being present in our homes, is a sad thing. I know this because sometimes she’ll come up to me and say “Matteo die… that so sad”, while tilting her head ever so slightly and squinting her eyes. Giuliana never met Matteo, because she was born on his birthday, just over 6 months after Matteo died. We tell Giuliana that Matteo kissed her in Heaven before he sent her down to us, and that explains the little red lips shaped birthmark she was born with on her right hand.  

Giuliana is such a great kid – I just LOVE everything about her. She is perfectly content playing by herself and reading stories, but is thrilled when Rocco and Gabby include her in their play/activities. She will often come up and say “Mommy, can you snuggle me?” or “Mommy, can you hooooold me?” (and that’s when my heart melts; I sometimes need the reminder that she is still so young too, and I need to give her more cuddles when I’m not busy with Marco). She has been influenced by her big brother to think that everything related to the butt or poopy, is supposed to be funny. So, she often time ends sentences with “booty” or “poopy” if she is trying to be silly or make someone laugh.

Giuliana is often the reason for one of the tiny pieces in Gabby or Rocco’s L.EGO sets missing. She is also often the protective little sister, wanting to stick up for her big brother or sister when they’re getting scolded, by saying “Stop being mean to Gabby! (or Rocco!)” Giuliana also quickly picked up on how to distract Marco from playing with one of her toys, by handing him a different toy and gently saying “no, no, no!” while shaking her head with a sweet smile.

One of the biggest transitions in Giuliana’s life this past year has been potty training. She has been poopy trained since May of 2012, and will always go poop in the potty chair. She will yell “I’M MAKING POOOOOPY!!” from the bathroom, which is really pretty funny. She is much lazier with going potty. She’ll go on the potty chair when you put her there, or encourage her to go. But, she rarely initiates going to the potty chair on her own. We’re working on this daily.

She picks up very quickly on things her older siblings do or say. For instance, Gabby comes home singing things like “Jingle Bells, B.atman smells, Robyn layed an egg…” and the next thing you know, Giuliana is singing it constantly. Or, Gabby came home from school one day saying “Eeeeny, meeeny, miny mo, catch a tiger by a toe, if he hollers let him go, eeeeny, meeeny, miny mo!” Then, Giuliana was saying it over and over for the next several weeks. She also picked up what a “pinky swear” was from some other little friends, and when she tried it out on me I was surprised and had to laugh, as it brought me back to my childhood instantly.

Giuliana is truly an angel in our lives. She arrived on one of the most difficult days in my life and has been an absolute blessing and wonderful distraction from overwhelming grief and sadness. She is gentle as a soft breeze, as sweet as sugar, and determined beyond belief. You could not be more special to us…we truly love you to the moon and back, Giuliana! xoxo