Definitely a girl...

We had the full anatomy scan this week on Baby Surprise... and she's definitely a girl. We got a 4D view of her beautiful face, body and all that girl stuff.

Everything looked great. So, hopefully things will continue moving along well with the pregnancy.

The appointment was sort of difficult. My favorite technician, Barbara, was waiting for me when I arrived. She did every scan for me during my multiples pregnancy and we got to know each other pretty well. She was excited to see me, upbeat, asking how I was, what I've been up to, if I was off work today. She had no idea what had happened recently. But, then she could tell something was off. I just couldn't bare to break the news in the hallway.

I broke down when we entered the exam room and told her Matteo died a little over six weeks ago. She felt awful. She hugged me. She tried to hold herself together. She was shocked. And, I just cried. She hugged me tight. And, she listened as I told her about our recent tragic story.

Then, repeat the above paragraph (minus the hugs) when Dr. B came in. Although Barbara thoughtfully made sure to alert him of our recent tragedy before he came into the room. He listened, shared his sympathies and went on to say that I need to work hard at taking care of this baby now too.

So yes. Here I am... grieving the loss of my almost 18 month old baby boy. Still in shock from loosing him. Trying to make it through each day while fighting tears and replaying memories. Trying to make life happy for a 3.5 year old and a 19 month old. And, I'm also trying to grow a fabulous, healthy new life inside of me.

Maybe someday I'll figure out this thing called "LIFE".