Nothing yet.

I spoke with the coroner, Dr. J, on Thursday, July 30th for about 45 minutes. They do not yet have a cause of death for Matteo Tate.

We know nothing. Nothing. And, that is so very difficult. I wish with all my heart that we would know something... anything.

Dr. J said that based on her autopsy and the blood tests that have already been completed, that Matteo did not show signs of:
· Meningitis or Meningococcal
· Pneumonia
· Myocarditis
· Anomalous left coronary artery
· Brain aneurism
· H1N1 Virus (Swine Flu)

I asked if they would be doing the DNA analysis on his heart tissue which could tell us if he had an abnormal heart rhythm. Dr. J said this DNA test costs thousands of dollars, and that she wasn’t sure if this is something they would test for. I asked “What if you don’t find a cause of death? Would you do the test then?” She wasn’t sure, but it was something they would look into.

I asked if we could send the tissue samples to Stanford for another review, already knowing that Stanford would not accept the tissue samples unless the SCC Coroner’s office needed a more expert analysis of either the heart or brain tissues. I think I offended her in mentioning a second review – which I truly didn’t mean to do. I just want to know my child died. I want to know that my other children aren't going to die in their sleep... suddenly and unexpected. She went on to tell me that we would need to cover all the costs of the “consult” because at this time, she did not feel a review by another expert was necessary. Then she went on to explain how she did all of her training at Stanford and that she knows the lead pathologist there, etc.

Dr. J went explained that Matteo looked like a very healthy child. His heart looked good. His brain looked good. All of his organs looked good.

Ugh. That makes me SO ANGRY. So why did he die then? Why? WHY? How does a healthy baby just die?

In addition to questioning Dr. J about all the heart-related theories that the Heart Center MD’s explained to me, I also brought up another “guess” that one of my coworkers passed on from a lead RN in the Heart Center. She thought that maybe Matteo could have died from a febrile seizure. Dr. J said she was going to look into this a bit further. She said that Matteo did not have any bite marks on his tongue, and that he did not show signs of struggle... both which are typically related to a seizure. However, he did show some very minor signs of asphyxia.

This killed me to hear this. Literally. I couldn’t catch my breath. Hearing this made me realize that even though every ounce of my soul needs and wants to know why and how Matteo died… it may be the most painful sentence I ever hear in my life. And, I don’t know if I’m prepared for that.

Tell me it was meningitis. Tell me it was meningococcal. Tell me it was a genetic problem with his heart or brain. Tell me it was something we couldn’t have fought or changed or that there was nothing that could have been done to prevent it. Please... please... please. But don’t tell me he died of something that perhaps had I been holding him in my arms… I would have maybe, possibly, had a chance at completely avoiding this devestating loss.

Dr. J went on to tell me not to get discouraged just yet. She said she has done a large number of autopsies on infants and that she has not been able to find a cause of death for only a handful of those children.

Because Matt had a fever for the day and a half before he died, most MD’s I have spoken to, including Dr. J, suspect he was fighting something… and maybe it was something he couldn’t fight due to his weak immune system.

So, in addition to still waiting on the toxicology blood tests, Dr. J sent blood samples to a microbiology lab to see if they can find a micro biotic infection. Dr. J indicated that some viruses/bacteria/infections are not detectable on the normal set of blood tests and that his cause of death may have been something that is only detectable through this more detailed analysis.

So we know nothing yet. Only that Matteo looked like a very healthy kid. He had a fever for approximately 30 hours before he died. And, he died in his sleep... peacefully... without a sound.

And, we're missing him more than words can ever, ever explain to anyone. Our world is forever changed... tragically.